This month: Faces are useless. Heels get over as faces. There is no reason for anyone to buy the PPV. The writers are intellectually deficient. Who pays security in TNA? Nash feels uncomfortable with how bad iMACT! is. Steiner doesn't need a script. Kurt wants people to get hurt. Why is the Main Event Mafia running iMPACT!? Booker buries Team 3D and calls them fat. Foley makes goofy matches instead of firing the Main Event Mafia. Foley disappears. Samoa Joe has face paint now. Kurt sent Sting to the wolves and then saved him. TNA should have a laugh track. We get the pleasure of listening to the TNA sitcom. It's fucking amazing. Kurt at this best in a throwback to one of the Phantom's favorite episodes of iMPACT! The Governor beats up Kip and the Beautiful People. Brutus Magnus uses a Samoan Drop. Abyss punches thumbtacks and glass in the good iMPACT! promo. Abyss beats Morgan in a terrible match. Sting retains his championship in a stupid fatal 4 way with Angle and Team 3D. AJ steals the Legends title and they get the FBI on the case. Petey and Steiner in a chain mail head dress on a pole match. One Night with ODB. Dr. Stevie makes his debut as Abyss' therapist on iMPACT! Joe threatens to kill Steiner by pressing a 115 lbs. bar onto his chest. Beer Money beats Team Canada and Petey cries. Rhino and Team 3D go to the strip club. Angle and Sting in an empty arena match with Nash and security that ends in a no contest. Madison and Taylor break up the same week they start teaming. Lance Hoyt gets fired and runs wild on Beer Money in his last match. Abyss wants to be a pop idol. Joe threatens to cut Steiner's head off. Foley puts over the WWE on iMPACT! Jarrett admits he painted the Asylum himself. Mike Tenay and Don West start feuding. The Kongtourage breaks up. Sabin breaks down how fake and cheap TNA is. Brian guarantees TNA will fuck up Sting.